23 December 2011

the processing process. of feelings.

I think that I have pretty much accepted that I am a terrible blogger. Once again, sorry for the lapse of time between blogging. If you are reading this and have read before, you should probably just sign up to receive email notices of when I actually do blog instead of checking. Sorry!

But I do have a reason. Certainly not an excuse but a reason. As to why I think I haven't been much for blogging as of late.

Blogging requires processing feelings. And I haven't been so into processing feelings lately. It's painful. Julton and I will be moving to the US soon, and although I'm excited for that adventure and seeing family and friends, I'm so not so happy about all that I am leaving behind. Things change. People grow. Trujillo will be completely different one day when we see it again. And although both Julton and I are from more rural areas and not so used to a city, Trujillo is where we have made our life together so far. And it holds a lot of people that we care a lot about. People that have been irreplaceable as friends and mentors and for some helping us get through the first chapter of what it means to be married. 

I'm not really into processing all of those feelings about how I'm going to miss all of these people. But I am trying. Because when you don't process feelings... weird little outbursts start to happen. Like being in the market and emotionally breaking down on the lady that has been there for you day in and day out selling you veggies. She gets confused and you embarrassed. 

It's awkward.

Or just randomly spurting out a confusing mix of words to someone that you're not sure if you are going to see them again but you want them to know how much they mean to you although you don't want to have to tell them goodbye. And you are confused about if you are able to speak any language at all. 

Then you do it again the next time you see them.

That also gets awkward. 

So, here we sit in a nearly empty apartment. No stove, that we excitedly bought after having been married nearly a year. No washer that we were so thankful for after many a day and night trying to keep up with washing laundry by hand. Just some clothes and each other. Oh, and a cat :) all waiting to go to the jungle for a visit before we leave. I can process how much I appreciate the ability to have all of those things. And that it is going to be really weird to use a dryer to dry my clothes. But the people part, that's harder to process. 

But this morning I officially finished my last class with one group of my students. And the processing process has started. 
I'm really going to miss my students. They have kept me humble, made me laugh a ton, and I learned a lot of the English and Spanish language right along with them :P

Julton and I will be spending Christmas here in Trujillo, then we are on our way to the jungle for New Years and then off the the US!



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